She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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