Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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