Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
