My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
