Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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