I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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