Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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