What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You're like the curious george of whores
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
