I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
