my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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