True but thats because hes a fetus.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
