One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
