I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
