I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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