all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
