Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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