Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just gift wrapped bread.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
