That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
