my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
