"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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