I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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