Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
