He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
