I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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