Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
