ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
