McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
