There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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