We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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