he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
