he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
