we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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