I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
