Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's never too late to be topless.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
