highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
