I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Please don't give away my fajitas
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
