Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
