I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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