wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
