I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
