We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
