We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
