I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
