I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
