i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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