White coat. Heels.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
