In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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