i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
