I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
