In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
