Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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